Review No One Dies
Side scrolling stickman hurdle game
Author: Jay Feldman
Date: 26 Apr 2017, tested on ASUS Nexus 7 (2013)
Global record chart, simple controls
Unbalanced difficulty, bores you really quickly
No One Dies is a silly name for a silly game. Calling it 'absurd stickman hurdles,' would be more accurate and illicits the appropriate intrigue for this mediocre game.
No One Dies subscribes to the notion that if you've got something solidly mediocre, more of it somehow magically makes everything better. This is basically just a side scrolling stickman hurdle game. Run across a sparsely pixelated track, jumping over the occasional blocky hurdle. If you so much as graze any of the hurdles, you're dead and it's game over. Still not having fun? Well, in an effort to present something that's actually worth playing, the game tries to up the ante by duplicating the game and stacking 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th and 5th tracks atop each other. Just because you make a game virtually impossible to play, doesn't mean its worthwhile or even remotely interesting. it's still just mediocre stickman hurdles, except now you've got 5 unplayable tracks instead of one.
The controls are ok, just tap to jump. The physics are underwhelming and overly crude. The online leader board is the most interesting part of the whole game. You can run with different stickmen, but really, who cares? Adding hair to a stickman does little to add intrigue or fun.
No One Dies might keep you interested for a round or two, but it's solidly boring and entirely forgettable. It took longer to download than it did to get bored.