Review Boneless Pizza
Ketchapp’s most frustrating achievement
Author: Brandon Girod
Date: 03 May 2017, tested on HTC One M8
Boring gameplay, banner ads cover menu options
If you’ve spent any time perusing through the (probably) millions of games that makes up the Google Play Store, then you’ve probably run into a few bad eggs. Okay, okay, probably more than just a few. Well, feast your eyes on Boneless Pizza for Android, the worst game I’ve ever played. BP taught me new ways to dislike games that are such obvious cash grabs.
Let’s talk first about the scope of the game. It’s shallow. Real shallow. If you stepped in a puddle this deep, you probably wouldn’t even get wet. The “game” spins an arrow around a pizza divided into slices. Some slices have bones on them and you need to tap the screen when the arrow reaches a slice of pizza with a bone on it. The problem is the game drops a ton of frames. For such a simple game, the performance is atrocious. What this means is that you’ll click on when the arrow hits the pizza but due to the frame drops, the arrow will actually be past it. The good news is that if you fail a level, you just start it over. The second problem? Why would anyone want to keep doing this over and over again?
The ads are another issue. Before you even see the title screen, you’re presented with an ad. Every time you open the app, you see this ad. When you have to tap the screen to continue after a failed round, the game will occasionally throw up a surprise ad that you’ll accidentally hit almost every time. You’ll also run into a dubious gray ad that stops the game in its tracks because you can’t do anything. There’s no way to close out of it, so you’ll have to restart the game to keep playing. But the most hilarious part? There is a banner ad at the bottom of the screen that hides all the game’s options. If you want to see what they are, you have to restart the game and quickly tap on the option before the banner ad pops up. Atrocious.
This is not hyperbole. Boneless Pizza is the worst game I’ve ever played. I’d rather watch paint dry on a wall than be forced to play this game. It’s boring, there’s no evolution in the gameplay and the ads are a complete joke. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.